Goodbye, farewell, literally, to God.
Witnessing the circle of life. This past Friday I found out that my mom has late stage Pancreatic Cancer – OMG!! I’ve done a lot of crying, and sighing. She is aware and says she does not want treatment. She feels it’s useless – with late stage PC, it often is. She saw her mom die of it as well, decades ago. While more is available these days, the bottom line is they can only buy time and attempt to ease symptoms. At the same time Chemo is powerful and has so many side effects that could only make her days very uncomfortable. My hope is medications could keep her as pain-free as possible. She wants to go to the beach and spend as much time by the ocean. I’m hoping.
There is nothing I have left unsaid with my mom. She knows I love her and am grateful. For the past two years, after suffering two strokes, she has battled with Aphasia. As frustrating as it is for her, she takes it with humor too. She will say something, then say “no, not that, ay carajo!” as she laughs at the words that come out of her mouth. Sadly, she was an avid reader and having lost that ability was devastating to her. She worked tirelessly trying to regain that ability. I will miss our two-hour plus phone calls. I will miss her sarcastic sense of humor and quick wit that sometimes got her in trouble with others. I developed my strong love of reading from her, and my love of flowers. We share our first name, we have similar tastes in food and she is the person I most resemble.
Praying for mom. Praying for strength, for myself, and my siblings that we will be able to do what we have to make mom as comfortable as possible.