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Dance in the rain

BLUE orchid

My appreciation of flowers came from my mom’s passion for plants. She even named me after a flower, Dahlia.

From very young, mom had her hands in our small garden. She wore those cutesy floral cotton garden gloves and enriched the soil with old coffee grounds and egg shells way before composting became popular. She grew the most beautiful Peonies, huge Roses, Dahlias, and Tulips. She put a lot of energy and love into it. Our yard was bursting with colors all Spring & Summer long, year after year. In Fall, I’d kneel beside helping her deadhead the Marigolds after they bloomed…the dried up flower heads would come off with the slightest touch. Every Spring we’d plant each tiny seed knowing how full and beautiful a plant each seed would become.

During this emotionally difficult time for me, as I watch my mom dying from Cancer and her “Season” is coming to a close I am sad. Yet,  I can hear her saying, “This too shall pass”,  “For everything there is a Season”, “Life goes on”… How very true. My heart is heavy and I am even more easily moved to tears but, I am grateful and learning to dance in the rain.

Thank you mom. Thank you God.

 

“For everything their is a Season”

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass…It’s about learning to dance in the rain”

Yellow flowers for Spring

 

 

Adios…

CB  goodbye

Goodbye, farewell, literally, to God.

Witnessing the circle of life. This past Friday I found out that my mom has late stage Pancreatic Cancer – OMG!! I’ve done a lot of  crying, and sighing. She is aware and says she does not want treatment. She feels  it’s useless – with late stage PC, it often is.  She saw her mom die of it as well, decades ago.  While more is available these days, the bottom line is they can only buy time and attempt to ease symptoms.  At the same time Chemo is powerful and has so many side effects that could only make her days very uncomfortable. My hope is medications could keep her as pain-free as possible.  She wants to go to the beach and spend as much time by the ocean. I’m hoping.

There is nothing I have left unsaid with my mom. She knows I love her and am grateful. For the past two years, after suffering two strokes, she has battled with Aphasia. As frustrating as it is for her, she takes it with humor too.  She will say something, then say “no, not that, ay carajo!” as she  laughs at the  words that  come out of her mouth. Sadly, she was an avid reader and having lost that ability was devastating to her. She worked tirelessly trying to regain that ability. I will miss our two-hour plus phone calls. I will miss her sarcastic sense of humor and quick wit that sometimes got her in trouble with others. I developed my strong love of reading from her,  and my love of flowers. We  share  our first name,  we have similar tastes in food and she is the person I most resemble.

Praying for mom. Praying for strength, for myself, and my siblings that we will be able to do what we have to make mom as comfortable as possible.

Celebrating Mom

Great giveaway with additional entries available!

http://crackerbarrel.com/celebratemom/?plink=1336058480_XL6961

 

Saw this on FB…touching

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Letter from a Mother to a Daughter: “My dear girl, the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through. If when we talk, I repeat the same thing a thousand times, don’t interrupt to say: “You said the same thing a minute ago”… Just listen, please. Try to remember the times when you were little and I would read the same story night after night until you would fall asleep. When I don’t want to take a bath, don’t be mad and don’t embarrass me. Remember when I had to run after you making excuses and trying to get you to take a shower when you were just a girl? When you see how ignorant I am when it comes to new technology, give me the time to learn and don’t look at me that way… remember, honey, I patiently taught you how to do many things like eating appropriately, getting dressed, combing your hair and dealing with life’s issues every day… the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through. If I occasionaly lose track of what we’re talking about, give me the time to remember, and if I can’t, don’t be nervous, impatient or arrogant. Just know in your heart that the most important thing for me is to be with you. And when my old, tired legs don’t let me move as quickly as before, give me your hand the same way that I offered mine to you when you first walked. When those days come, don’t feel sad… just be with me, and understand me while I get to the end of my life with love. I’ll cherish and thank you for the gift of time and joy we shared. With a big smile and the huge love I’ve always had for you, I just want to say, I love you… my darling daughter. “